rejection therapy day 15 -december 13th
Those who are paying attention, and I would be surprised if there were any of you, will have noticed I had no post yesterday. Unfortunately I was just too busy getting a job application ready for a deadline and then finishing some design work for today. This meant I spent the day in front of my computer and while I loathed this it helped me ponder a few things in comparison to what happened today.
I will write my thoughts down below the rejection therapy day and Street Portraits Project. You are free to read them if you like, but really it is just a chance to get my thoughts out of my head especially now that I am the half way mark of Rejection Therapy.
Rejection Therapy
I asked some people today for their photos and once again got no rejections :( Details who those generous folk are detailed in the Street Portraits section. Failed Rejection
I did my trial day for a Barista and tried to make the most of it. I tried to get as involved as I could, looking if I could make a coffee. I tried…but it wasn’t too impressive. While my efforts were far below the usual Barista standards, I wanted to see if I could get at least a decent latte out before the end of my trial. I asked if I could make a coffee again, they said yes (Failed Rejection), again the coffee was below standard. I asked if I could make it again, they said yes (Failed Rejection), yet again the coffee was below stand. I was then told to do some other jobs…probably just to get me away from making another coffee, but I have an urge to get that Latte right!
I met up with a friend, Sammi, who works in a watch shop. I asked if I could have a watch for free, she said no, although this is not a genuine rejection as I had just told Sammi about Rejection Therapy and she set me up…although this fake rejection was then counterbalanced by Sammi allowing me to take her portrait. Right on. Failed Rejection
Entering a building to meet another friend, I saw a man unloading a bunch of heavy building materials and placing them in the lobby. Since there was a lot and he seemed to be struggling, I asked if I could give a hand and spent the next few minutes giving this guy a hand. Nice bloke too. Failed Rejection
Street Portrait Project #6
Thanks to Sam, Emma and Sammi for sparing a few minutes and letting me take their photo. Below is Sam, who felt inspired to give me a few regal and hopeful poses. I take my hat off to that.
For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post
For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post
My Flickr
Here are some thoughts that have become apparent, maybe not directly as a result of rejection therapy, but have definitely sprung up as a result of putting myself in these situations. I think it is important to reflect on what has happened, otherwise what is the point of doing this? Although below is really just about getting the thoughts out of my head and for my peace of mind.
For those who bothered to keep with it till here, I welcome you to read on. For those who don’t like reading a person’s internal musings, I wouldn’t advise you give it a skip.
After spending Sunday in front of my computer screen working on my own, as I have done a majority of days for the past year, I was lucky enough to have the welcome change of working as a Barista for a short shift. What has surprised me is that in this trail as a coffee bar worker, which lasted just over an hour, I enjoyed it more than any time I have spent staring at a computer screen. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy working with media, it is that I find no greater pleasure than working with people.
Thinking back to all the media work I have done, whether that is writing, filming or taking photos; it is the meeting of people and collaboration that has always been the most enjoyable part for me. In the majority of my theatre work it was the team work and collaborative environment which I enjoyed the most. Being around people who want to share and create ideas has been what is missing from my life for a long time and it used to be what is most important to me.
At the beginning of this year I started to get the idea that I was a ‘determined’ and ‘driven’ person, that I should be pursuing a career aggressively and push myself to greatness. This made me become a person I didn’t like. I always liked to think that I was a nice guy, but I let myself become selfish, arrogant and dick; doing some extremely dickish things. As a result I lost a friend who was closest to me and severally damaged my other relationships with family and friends; many of which I am still trying to mend fences for now.
Through rejection therapy I am trying to become the guy I was before. I am trying to open myself up again and learn from my mistakes. I didn’t like being a ‘determined’ person, I don’t have the urge to do whatever it takes to be a successful whatever, because I want to spend time with friends, family and those I love. Those are what is most important to me and I would be a fool (although many already think I am) to ever let these things slip away from me again.
Rejection therapy, in the short time I have done it so far, has introduced me to a lot of new people and confirmed my thoughts that I am happiest around others and learning about others’ lives.
From now on I think I am going to look for a simple job with good people, focus on my creative work in my own time and focus the rest of life on just being a good person. I don’t think I could want for any more than that.
If you are reading then thanks. It is probably a load of jibberish, but it has taken me a lot and cost myself, and ever more regrettably others, a lot to come to this realisation. Hopefully you are lucky enough that when you read the above you will think I am an idiot and would have never have made the stupid decisions I have. I am an idiot, I will easily admit that, but I am now trying to be a good idiot.
rejection therapy day 12 -december 10th
Today, I am pretty pleased to say, was another cracker of a day…so unfortunately you have a long post on your hands.
First off, I am finding that the Street Portrait Project is yielding very few rejections (by that, I mean none). Everyone is far too nice and welcoming, willing to take a couple of minutes out of their lives to chat and have their photos taken. I have also started to give out little notes to the kind people who have allowed me to take their portraits, giving the address for this blog and my Flickr.
Since I am only posting a single photo a day that obviously means not everyone’s portrait I have taken will get posted, so I will name check each of them and let them rest easy knowing their picture will be posted up one day and they are welcome to request any photos I have taken on them.
Here are today’s friendly victims:
Brendan
Katie
Emma
Rich
For more information about today’s Street Portrait, please read the blurb about Brendan just above his photo below.
After successfully taking some photos of strangers I sauntered over to the place to get the best coffee in Birmingham, The Urban Coffee Company. While chatting with one of the friendly and skilled Urbanistas (UCC name for a Barista) who knew I had a trial shift on Monday, I asked whether he could talk me through making a latte and give me some tips, which he did! Failed Rejection Check out this Urbanista’s latte art.
I then went to a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training session, but I was a little agitated that it was coming to late evening and I had not yet got a rejection. I thought I would push the boat out and be a little mischievous and ask one of the instructor/managers of the gym called Norbi, who is a good friend but renowned for being strict to everyone about everything, if I could have a bottle of water for free. He rolled his eyes and I took that as a rejection… this story continues and gets a lot more interesting, so just bare with it.
After I had finished training with a different instructor to the aforementioned stricter Norbi, I offered my two training partners a lift home, even though they both live in completely opposite directions to where I was heading and I had never done so before. The thing I found odd about this is that I did not have rejection therapy on my mind when I asked this. I was just being more forward and open than I have been previously. It was only until I was driving home that I realised I had got my rejection. Rejected
Now the bottle of water story continues, hope you’re still paying attention. While walking back to my car I realised I was a bit dehydrated, so I went back into the gym and asked Dave, one of the guys who works behind the desk, how much bottle of waters were. He didn’t know so he called out to Norbi. A “£1” shouted back in return without Norbi looking up. Just as I was handing over the pound there was a further shout, “Don’t worry about it.” We both looked over to Norbi and he carried on “Don’t worry about it, this ones on me.” Myself and Dave stood there confused and I slowly put the bottle into my bag. Failed Rejection
What I take from today is the importance of kindness. There is just nothing quite like it. Whether it is Norbi giving me the water bottle or the thanks I got for simply offering a lift home to my training friends, kindness just feels good whether you are giving or receiving. Rejection Therapy can seem quite selfish, asking for things you want and depending on other people’s kindness, but I have found that the more I have asked for from people the more I have felt good in giving back.
These thoughts are definitely connected to my reading of magician and illusionist Derren Brown’s latest book, ‘Confessions of a Conjurer ” where he spends pretty much a whole chapter on the importance of kindness. It really cannot be understated and it is infectious. By pure coincidence, after the training session today a few of us sat round and chatted about road rage, but we all shared the idea that when someone is kind to you on the road you are more helpful to others; letting people in at junctions etc. I think if you have this in your mind in Rejection Therapy, rather than seeing it in a businesslike/sales manner of simply personal gain, it can set you on a path to feeling happy, and you can’t say better than that.
Slight addition, I have also started offering my portrait photos to everyone who allows me to take their photo. On the slip I give them it has my email address and hopefully they can get some pleasure out my photography too.
Street Portrait Project #3
Brendan was walking along with a young lady, Katie his daughter, and when I stopped them they both seemed highly amused at the thought of someone taking their photo. It turns out Brendan is a photographer and Katie had studied photography…rather intimidating since I am a self taught amateur. Still, after some gentle jibbing at the kit I used and joking about my knowledge, they could not have been more friendly and spent a minutes discussing this practice and the importance of meeting people.
Thanks again Brendan and hope your critical eye isn’t too harsh on this photo, I’m doing this all to learn!
For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post
For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post
My Flickr
rejection therapy day 9 - december 7th
“I think it is high time I lived up to my potential, don’t you?”
This is what I told myself (don’t worry, not out loud) while sitting in a coffee bar in Birmingham. I had just been wondering around looking to take street portraits of people. After convincing myself that “that person didn’t look right” or “they look in a hurry” I finally gave up when I thought “the light isn’t good enough anymore” and retreated with my tail between my legs to the comfort of a latte.
What a coward.
I know rejection therapy is supposed to make you feel good and it is just a game, but I can’t help feel bad when I don’t take opportunities. What is worse is that I know, maybe a year or so ago, I was a person who had no qualms doing an activity such as this, walking up to a complete stranger and not having my confidence knocked. So obviously I have changed, but I really don’t like it.
Before I could back up excuses of my lame attempts at objection therapy as just building up momentum or palm off some other excuse, but the reality is my self esteem and confidence is shot. A scrape on the bottom of what used to be a full brimming barrel. As the foam stained the edge of my coffee mug and job application drafts with half arsed notes scribbled across them, I sunk in my chair and sighed. I need to live up to my potential and I need to do it now.
I visited a friend who I have not seen in about five years and now works as a graphic designer. He is hopefully going to do some printing for me and, knowing he usually charges for advice, I asked him whether he could give me some tips anyway and go through some ways of making my work better, and do you know what? He did. Failed Rejection Further to that, we got discussing about what we each like to do now and he said that he goes rock climbing, something that I used to do in a past life. He said he goes every Monday, so I wondered if I could tag alone, which did not only he agree to, but explained he could get me in for free. Mega cool. Failed Rejection
It turned out I had made the oh so silly mistake of writing down the interview as the deadline for a job application instead of the actual closing date. The closing date turned out to be Sunday, but wanting the job and seeing it as a way to get rejected, I rang up the company and asked if I would be able to be considered if I send in my application right now. They said applicants had already been shortlisted. I asked if they could at least take a look? He said no. Hooray! Rejected
For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post
Rejection therapy day 8 -december 6th
I have been looking to becoming a Barista for a little while and, while it is a job I am sure I would enjoy doing, I have been a little hesitant to pursue the job. I have left a few days than I should in calling back the cafe and not been in hot pursuit of the opportunity. While there is lots about the job I think I would enjoy (the coffee, the people, the environment), what has kept me back is that food customer service and cash taking are areas that I have very little experience.
…but I want a challenge. This is the perfect chance to learn something new and even if I do not get the job it will be an experience. If I make a prat of myself, even better.
I rang the manager, who I had spoken to on several occasions but never solidified a date for a trial, and looking to get something booked. He informed me that due to setbacks in the new store they wouldn’t be taking on staff until January 5th, so maybe I should wait till then. I had my rejection, but I felt unsatisfied. I then proceeded to ask if I could do it an earlier. He sounded confused at first, but then seemed to be appreciative of my willingness and we agreed that I would do a shift next Monday from 12-2, the busy lunch shift on their busiest day. Bring it on. Failed Rejection
I had filled out an application for a job reviewing computer games for a new magazine. They had informed me, after I had completed the application and got through the first round that the job would be unpaid for the first three months. Not impressed at all. Today they rang me stating they were interested about myself and wanted to get to know me better, before that line of getting-to-know-you questioning began, I inquired about whether it was true that if I was successful I would be unpaid for the first three months, he concurred. I politely informed him that I cannot afford to work for free that long, he said that was a shame. I had nothing to lose, so I told him that I would be happy to still go for the job if he changed the rules I was paid from the beginning. He was not impressed and promptly cut the conversation short. WIN! Rejected
Tomorrow, I promise, the boat will be pushed out.
For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post
Rejection therapy Day 3 - December 1st
I had recently sent in my CV for a job at a coffee bar and I heard some good feedback last week…but I had not heard back in some time. So I rang up today asking if anything was happening and I was in town today so I could come in for a chat. The manager said to call back Friday as he was out in the afternoon. Partial Rejection
…but wait, there is more to this story…
Since I was in town I ended up going to the coffee place, because, well, I like the coffee. I had my camera slung around my neck and the barista enquired about it. I ended up getting in a long chat with him and the on duty supervisor. I revealed that I had applied for a job, at which point the supervisor revealed she is the one who looks at CVs. I, politely, suggested she should have a look at mine since she was heading to the back office now. She agreed…great, but disappointing! Failed Rejection
The rejection you have been waiting for…
Walking along I was passed by a guy I used to work with going the same way. I wouldn’t normally say hello to him as we weren’t too close and it was a few years since I’ve seen him. I found this as a chance to get rejected, so I called out his name, loud enough to be heard over the traffic and he was within earshot. He just carried on. Awesome. Rejected
Tomorrow I am thinking about increasing the risk, I chickened out on a couple of things today. Time to crank it up a notch and make a real idiot of myself.
