Thoughts from a Sneaky Little Fox

rejection therapy day 18 -december 16th

I have really not been making the effort the past few days, but this is just a game and other things have been more pressing on my mind.

One thing I will say though, is that with all the crap that sent me on a downward spiral yesterday, I don’t think I would have ended up in as good a mood at the end of today if it wasn’t for my previous efforts in Rejection Therapy. Doing this project has certainly reminded that bad things can happen (you get rejected or whatever unfortunate things) but as long as no one is hurt, then it is not the end of the world. Things will happen, good and bad, and you have to learn from them and move on.

To quote Rudyard Kipling’s poem ‘If’ - “If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostersjust the same”. That’s the aim: things will happen and you have to learn to greet them with open arms. Might as well smile :)

So my one rejection today was when I met up with a friend at a Christmas Market for a few drinks. I asked to pay for drinks, food etc. but she kept rejecting. Rejected

Tomorrow I am looking to get back in the swing of things and see what mischief I can get up to. Fun times!

Street Portrait Project #9

This fellow is called Rich, and both him and his girlfriend Emma seemed very suscipious of me at first, but soon warmed up. Nice one.

rejection therapy day 15 -december 13th

Those who are paying attention, and I would be surprised if there were any of you, will have noticed I had no post yesterday. Unfortunately I was just too busy getting a job application ready for a deadline and then finishing some design work for today. This meant I spent the day in front of my computer and while I loathed this it helped me ponder a few things in comparison to what happened today.

I will write my thoughts down below the rejection therapy day and Street Portraits Project. You are free to read them if you like, but really it is just a chance to get my thoughts out of my head especially now that I am the half way mark of Rejection Therapy.

Rejection Therapy

I asked some people today for their photos and once again got no rejections :( Details who those generous folk are detailed in the Street Portraits section. Failed Rejection

I did my trial day for a Barista and tried to make the most of it. I tried to get as involved as I could, looking if I could make a coffee. I tried…but it wasn’t too impressive. While my efforts were far below the usual Barista standards, I wanted to see if I could get at least a decent latte out before the end of my trial. I asked if I could make a coffee again, they said yes (Failed Rejection), again the coffee was below standard. I asked if I could make it again, they said yes (Failed Rejection), yet again the coffee was below stand.  I was then told to do some other jobs…probably just to get me away from making another coffee, but I have an urge to get that Latte right!

I met up with a friend, Sammi, who works in a watch shop. I asked if I could have a watch for free, she said no, although this is not a genuine rejection as I had just told Sammi about Rejection Therapy and she set me up…although this fake rejection was then counterbalanced by Sammi allowing me to take her portrait. Right on. Failed Rejection

Entering a building to meet another friend, I saw a man unloading a bunch of heavy building materials and placing them in the lobby. Since there was a lot and he seemed to be struggling, I asked if I could give a hand and spent the next few minutes giving this guy a hand. Nice bloke too. Failed Rejection

Street Portrait Project #6

Thanks to Sam, Emma and Sammi for sparing a few minutes and letting me take their photo. Below is Sam, who felt inspired to give me a few regal and hopeful poses. I take my hat off to that.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

My Flickr

Here are some thoughts that have become apparent, maybe not directly as a result of rejection therapy, but have definitely sprung up as a result of putting myself in these situations. I think it is important to reflect on what has happened, otherwise what is the point of doing this? Although below is really just about getting the thoughts out of my head and for my peace of mind.

For those who bothered to keep with it till here, I welcome you to read on. For those who don’t like reading a person’s internal musings, I wouldn’t advise you give it a skip.

After spending Sunday in front of my computer screen working on my own, as I have done a majority of days for the past year, I was lucky enough to have the welcome change of working as a Barista for a short shift. What has surprised me is that in this trail as a coffee bar worker, which lasted just over an hour, I enjoyed it more than any time I have spent staring at a computer screen. It isn’t that I don’t enjoy working with media, it is that I find no greater pleasure than working with people.

Thinking back to all the media work I have done, whether that is writing, filming or taking photos; it is the meeting of people and collaboration that has always been the most enjoyable part for me.  In the majority of my theatre work it was the team work and collaborative environment which I enjoyed the most. Being around people who want to share and create ideas has been what is missing from my life for a long time and it used to be what is most important to me.

At the beginning of this year I started to get the idea that I was a ‘determined’ and ‘driven’ person, that I should be pursuing a career aggressively and push myself to greatness. This made me become a person I didn’t like. I always liked to think that I was a nice guy, but I let myself become selfish, arrogant and dick; doing some extremely dickish things. As a result I lost a friend who was closest to me and severally damaged my other relationships with family and friends; many of which I am still trying to mend fences for now.

Through rejection therapy I am trying to become the guy I was before. I am trying to open myself up again and learn from my mistakes. I didn’t like being a ‘determined’ person, I don’t have the urge to do whatever it takes to be a successful whatever, because I want to spend time with friends, family and those I love. Those are what is most important to me and I would be a fool (although many already think I am) to ever let these things slip away from me again.

Rejection therapy, in the short time I have done it so far, has introduced me to a lot of new people and confirmed my thoughts that I am happiest around others and learning about others’ lives.

From now on I think I am going to look for a simple job with good people, focus on my creative work in my own time and focus the rest of life on just being a good person. I don’t think I could want for any more than that.

If you are reading then thanks. It is probably a load of jibberish, but it has taken me a lot and cost myself, and ever more regrettably others,  a lot to come to this realisation. Hopefully you are lucky enough that when you read the above you will think I am an idiot and would have never have made the stupid decisions I have. I am an idiot, I will easily admit that, but I am now trying to be a good idiot.

Street Portrait Project #5

The is Katie, who is Brendan’s (Street Portrait #3) daughter and is also a photographer. Cheers to Katie.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

My Flickr

rejection therapy day 13 -december 11th

Went to get my hair cut today as it really was getting too long and I was getting tired of being mistaken for some kind of hermit. I have never been that bothered about my hair, usually just getting it shaved off or leaving it till it grows way too long and starts to cause problems with my vision. So when the hairdresser asked the expected question “What do you want done?”  the smile on his face was quickly replaced by fear as I replied “I don’t know, do whatever you think would look good.”

It seemed the idea of just doing anything and cutting off so much hair was too much pressure for him and he refused. I told him that I have never really given much consideration to my hair, so I don’t really know what ‘style’ would look good, so just go for it. Again he refused and was too frightened that he would upset me, possibly thinking that a hair barbarian like myself would develop stomach ulcers with a sharply cropped barnet on my head. So I relented and just told him to cut it shorter and neat. Rejected

Street Portrait Project #4

I got portraits of two people today, Nick and Katja who were walking round Solihull. Below is Nick who at first refused to smile, but when I asked why he wouldn’t give a smirk for the camera he replied “I never smile”, which straight away resulted in Katja laughing and him smiling in return; resulting in this photo.

It was late in the day and cloudy so the light isn’t great, but still thanks to Nick and Katja for giving up their time.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

My Flickr

rejection therapy day 12 -december 10th

Today, I am pretty pleased to say, was another cracker of a day…so unfortunately you have a long post on your hands.

First off, I am finding that the Street Portrait Project is yielding very few rejections (by that, I mean none). Everyone is far too nice and welcoming, willing to take a couple of minutes out of their lives to chat and have their photos taken. I have also started to give out little notes to the kind people who have allowed me to take their portraits, giving the address for this blog and my Flickr.

Since I am only posting a single photo a day that obviously means not everyone’s portrait I have taken will get posted, so I will name check each of them and let them rest easy knowing their picture will be posted up one day and they are welcome to request any photos I have taken on them.

Here are today’s friendly victims:

Brendan

Katie

Emma

Rich

For more information about today’s Street Portrait, please read the blurb about Brendan just above his photo below.

After successfully taking some photos of strangers I sauntered over to the place to get the best coffee in Birmingham, The Urban Coffee Company. While chatting with one of the friendly and skilled Urbanistas (UCC name for a Barista) who knew I had a trial shift on Monday, I asked whether he could talk me through making a latte and give me some tips, which he did! Failed Rejection  Check out this Urbanista’s latte art.

I then went to a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training session, but I was a little agitated that it was coming to late evening and I had not yet got a rejection. I thought I would push the boat out and be a little mischievous and ask one of the instructor/managers of the gym called Norbi, who is a good friend but renowned for being strict to everyone about everything, if I could have a bottle of water for free. He rolled his eyes and I took that as a rejection… this story continues and gets a lot more interesting, so just bare with it.

After I had finished training with a different instructor to the aforementioned stricter Norbi, I offered my two training partners a lift home, even though they both live in completely opposite directions to where I was heading and I had never done so before. The thing I found odd about this is that I did not have rejection therapy on my mind when I asked this. I was just being more forward and open than I have been previously. It was only until I was driving home that I realised I had got my rejection. Rejected

Now the bottle of water story continues, hope you’re still paying attention. While walking back to my car I realised I was a bit dehydrated, so I went back into the gym and asked Dave, one of the guys who works behind the desk, how much bottle of waters were. He didn’t know so he called out to Norbi.  A “£1” shouted back in return  without Norbi looking up. Just as I was handing over the pound there was a further shout, “Don’t worry about it.” We both looked over to Norbi and he carried on “Don’t worry about it, this ones on me.” Myself and Dave stood there confused and I slowly put the bottle into my bag. Failed Rejection

What I take from today is the importance of kindness. There is just nothing quite like it. Whether it is Norbi giving me the water bottle or the thanks I got for simply offering a lift home to my training friends, kindness just feels good whether you are giving or receiving. Rejection Therapy can seem quite selfish, asking for things you want and depending on other people’s kindness, but I have found that the more I have asked for from people the more I have felt good in giving back.

These thoughts are definitely connected to my reading of magician and illusionist Derren Brown’s latest book, ‘Confessions of a Conjurer ” where he spends pretty much a whole chapter on the importance of kindness. It really cannot be understated and it is infectious. By pure coincidence, after the training session today a few of us sat round and chatted about road rage, but we all shared the idea that when someone is kind to you on the road you are more helpful to others; letting people in at junctions etc. I think if you have this in your mind in Rejection Therapy, rather than seeing it in a businesslike/sales manner of simply personal gain, it can set you on a path to feeling happy, and you can’t say better than that.

Slight addition, I have also started offering my portrait photos to everyone who allows me to take their photo. On the slip I give them it has my email address and hopefully they can get some pleasure out my photography too.

Street Portrait Project #3

Brendan was walking along with a young lady, Katie his daughter, and when I stopped them they both seemed highly amused at the thought of someone taking their photo. It turns out Brendan is a photographer and Katie had studied photography…rather intimidating since I am a self taught amateur. Still, after some gentle jibbing at the kit I used and joking about my knowledge, they could not have been more friendly and spent a minutes discussing this practice and the importance of meeting people.

Thanks again Brendan and hope your critical eye isn’t too harsh on this photo, I’m doing this all to learn!

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

My Flickr

rejection therapy day 11 -december 9th

“You’re going to go out and start a fight with a total stranger…You’re gonna start a fight…and you’re gonna lose.” 

Tyler Durden, Fight Club 

I may not have been looking for a fight today, but the sentiment was the same. I was looking to lose. I thought my Street Portrait Project was a way of getting instant rejections, but unfortunately for me it seems people are just too damn friendly. I worked up the courage and once I got my first portrait from my first rejection attempt I was on a roll. I had taken about half a dozen portraits before I realised no one had rejected me. I am thankful that I have a backlog of good portraits, but a little annoyed that no one had told me to sod off. Failed Rejection

I wanted, as we all do sometimes, some fudge. Luckily at the Christmas Market there was a stand selling just that confectionary in a pick’n’mix style, so I had a gander of what fudges were on offer. I was tempted by a type of ‘champagne’ fudge, but didn’t want to invest without knowing if it was any good. I saw a moment for rejection.

                “Can I try some of this fudge?”

                “We’ve run out of taster samples”

                “Can I pick some out and try it?”

                “No.”

                “How about that little bit?”

                “…No.”

Rejected

Yesterday I stated that I wanted two rejections, knowing that I would feel a bit sad face if I did not reach my target, I went on the hunt. I realised that I never just say hello to people on the street, as I like so many others had always been a bit suspect of people who did such things. Well today I was one of those people. I saw a lady walking towards and she made eye contact. I locked on and had her caught in my tractor beam. She carried on walking towards me and just as she was in vocal range I let out a “Hello”…too which she quickly looked away and shuffled off pretty sharpish. Huzzah. Rejected

An interesting added note to my Street Portrait saga this morning. I took photos of a couple, Jon and Abi, who I spotted walking along outside the library. Although hesitant of the strange hairy man, they were polite enough and let me take their photos. Fast forward several hours into the evening and I am at a gig at a pub in town, invited by a friend who works in an art gallery. This gig was to raise funds for a degree art show for City of Birmingham Fine Art students and as I look round the crowd I spot Abi and Jon. Just before I have to catch my late bus home, I saunter over to the two and in turn point at them while saying “Jon and Abi”. It takes a few seconds and then the penny drops, which in turn leads to smiles growing across their faces and quickly turns into laughing (and a little bit of screaming by Abi).

It turns out Abi was one of the degree students and in the brief chat they invited me to their final art show and introduced me to some of their friends. Ruddy nice fellows.

So below is Abi, #2 in the Street Portraits Project. Proof that it is pretty amazing what can happen when you put yourself out there.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

rejection therapy day 10 -december 8th

No rejection today, but I feel the best since I have started the therapy. Allow me to rant…

I wanted to make up for yesterdays chickening out of yesterday’s street photography and not taking some street portraits, I thought I would try again today. Once again, I froze. I kept seeing people and thinking “they would be perfect” and then do nothing as they past. I walked up and down the main streets of Birmingham simply letting people pass and letting my hesitation get the better of me, but I ran into a friend that changed things.

A guy who I used to go to school with and saw sparingly around some of the areas I do freelance work spotted me and we chatted. He was curious as to what I was doing, at which point I informed him. This simple act of telling him gave me the incentive to push forward, as someone else knew and may ask in future meetings about how my street portraits were doing. At this point a switch flicked in my head, I asked to take his portrait, which he allowed Failed Rejection After which I asked what he gets up to these days and told me he was going to a gig on Friday, I asked if I could tag along, again he said yes! Yet Another Failed Rejection

After my friend left I felt the need to go up to someone and finally take that photo. I found a victim, an unsuspecting girl smoking a cigarette and most likely waiting for a friend. I walked up to her, she stared blankly at me and I realised I had to talk very quickly.

            “Can I take your portrait?”

            “Errr….yeah, ok”

            “I am photographing a few people around”

            “Right, let me hide my cigarette”

She palmed the smoking ciggerette and smiled. I took a few shots and, not wanting to make the awkward moment last any longer, gave a quick goodbye and quick stepped off. It was Failed Rejection but I got my photo and I knew tomorrow I had to go back for more.

One again I went to the cafe, sat in the same spot with my latte in front of me, but today I felt good. Minor as that achievement was, I was proud that I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I am not back to where I used to be in terms of confidence, but this has certainly helped me on my way.

I sat on the bus with a smile on my face and as I got out at my stop I passed a Starbucks that was locking up. I caught eye contact with the girl who was bolting up the glass door from the inside. I still had my big smile slapped across my face, so looking at her like an idiot, I added slight a wave in the mix. She seemed to chuckle slightly and give a light wave back, although her smile was clearly as much out of confusion than genuine happiness; but she smiled and that may have given her a nice end to a working day. After I waved I carried on and didn’t look back. I’ll let that moment stay there Failed Rejection

I didn’t get my rejection, but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and felt a lot better than I have in a long time. So I had fun just playing the game which I think is more important than scoring points. Today is the first time I truly felt I was playing purely for fun.

…although I will admit I did want to score that goal and get the rejection; so my aim tomorrow is TWO REJECTIONS. Time to set targets and have some fun.

Below is the street portrait I took of the aforementioned young lady. The photo came out terribly I know, but I wanted to post it here as an incentive to myself to document these things. Reject on.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation for Street Portrait Project see this post

Rejection therapy day 7 - december 5th

Not a great day to be honest, for more some personal reasons, but I did not feel like putting myself out too much.

My one triumph was with a guy who I have trained in the martial art of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with for a long time but never really spoken to or got to know. I was aware that he is a far superior photographer to myself, so when I saw he had his camera with him I thought I would break the unintentional vow of silence between us and ask about getting some tips on how to be better. Although this doesn’t seem like much, It is a bit out of my comfort zone, as I am a person who usually likes to do things for myself and be self taught…but that is not the point of rejection therapy and it is something I want to change in myself. So I asked him, he said yes, we got really well and I am going to give him some tips in film making. Score! Failed Rejection

My first week has been pretty gentle to be honest. I realise I really have to push it a bit more. I will give the excuse of a few personal problems have made me reluctant to engage, but I think I am using it as more of a defence than is really true. I want this project to do some good, but I will only get results is I invest myself more and take more risks.