Thoughts from a Sneaky Little Fox

rejection therapy day 19 -december 18th

Due to the increased snowfall, I went for a walk out and about to see what everything looked like sprinkled with icing sugar. I was walking next to a couple dragging their son along in a sledge. Rather than just walking on and passing them silently, I decided to say hello and they gave me a greeting back, just like a real person. Had a chat with them about sledging and frozen beer. Odd. Failed Rejection

I saw a woman trying to clean the snow off her car. She politely declined, even though she stated she had been stuck there several hours…Rejected

Street Portrait Project #11

This is Samantha, who is Daniel’s (Street Portrait #8) work colleague at Yep Media. She was kind enough to give me a few poses before carrying on with her day.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

rejection therapy day 19 - december 17th

I asked if I could give a hand with some friends who run a magazine I write for since they moving office…they said yes and I spent the day hauling boxes and shifting shelves. Great fun though as it turned into a sort of Christmas party involving lunchtime pints and fish a chips. Nom. Failed Rejection Their new office will also be above a venue which they will be hopefully organising some gig nights for…thought I would throw my name in the hat and say I would manage some nights for them, again they said yes (the friendly fools) Failed Rejection

At a Christmas party that offered by cocktails and cocktail sausages, I offered to make some a ‘sausage cocktail’. They declined, giving the excuse that they had eaten to many sausages already. They were not impressed when I proclaimed that they were probably “all porked out” Rejected

Walking home late at night, having missed the last buses and lacking funds for a taxi, I decided to see if I could hitchhike. I don’t blame the dozen cars I stuck my thumb up to and refused to stop. A big strange man drunkenly stumbling through the snow, dressed with his hood up and gloved; while also waving his arms about while he sang along to David Bowie on his own is hardly someone you would want to pick up. Rejected

I love being an idiot. That is the one thing I have rediscovered today. Up until about a year ago I used to enjoy being myself and that is: a geeky, slightly loud, overly friendly, idiot. This is who I am. I think I tried to be cool, determined and polished; this is not I who I am and thus I became unhappy. I am an idiot and I am damn proud of it.

/Drunk nonsense.

Street Portrait Project #10

This young lady is Emma, Rich’s (Street Portrait Project #9) girlfriend. She had a coffee cup which she seemed to subconsciously be sneaking into the photos. After pointing it out this shot came out. Looks good, even sans coffee cup.

rejection therapy day 13 -december 11th

Went to get my hair cut today as it really was getting too long and I was getting tired of being mistaken for some kind of hermit. I have never been that bothered about my hair, usually just getting it shaved off or leaving it till it grows way too long and starts to cause problems with my vision. So when the hairdresser asked the expected question “What do you want done?”  the smile on his face was quickly replaced by fear as I replied “I don’t know, do whatever you think would look good.”

It seemed the idea of just doing anything and cutting off so much hair was too much pressure for him and he refused. I told him that I have never really given much consideration to my hair, so I don’t really know what ‘style’ would look good, so just go for it. Again he refused and was too frightened that he would upset me, possibly thinking that a hair barbarian like myself would develop stomach ulcers with a sharply cropped barnet on my head. So I relented and just told him to cut it shorter and neat. Rejected

Street Portrait Project #4

I got portraits of two people today, Nick and Katja who were walking round Solihull. Below is Nick who at first refused to smile, but when I asked why he wouldn’t give a smirk for the camera he replied “I never smile”, which straight away resulted in Katja laughing and him smiling in return; resulting in this photo.

It was late in the day and cloudy so the light isn’t great, but still thanks to Nick and Katja for giving up their time.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

My Flickr

rejection therapy day 12 -december 10th

Today, I am pretty pleased to say, was another cracker of a day…so unfortunately you have a long post on your hands.

First off, I am finding that the Street Portrait Project is yielding very few rejections (by that, I mean none). Everyone is far too nice and welcoming, willing to take a couple of minutes out of their lives to chat and have their photos taken. I have also started to give out little notes to the kind people who have allowed me to take their portraits, giving the address for this blog and my Flickr.

Since I am only posting a single photo a day that obviously means not everyone’s portrait I have taken will get posted, so I will name check each of them and let them rest easy knowing their picture will be posted up one day and they are welcome to request any photos I have taken on them.

Here are today’s friendly victims:

Brendan

Katie

Emma

Rich

For more information about today’s Street Portrait, please read the blurb about Brendan just above his photo below.

After successfully taking some photos of strangers I sauntered over to the place to get the best coffee in Birmingham, The Urban Coffee Company. While chatting with one of the friendly and skilled Urbanistas (UCC name for a Barista) who knew I had a trial shift on Monday, I asked whether he could talk me through making a latte and give me some tips, which he did! Failed Rejection  Check out this Urbanista’s latte art.

I then went to a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training session, but I was a little agitated that it was coming to late evening and I had not yet got a rejection. I thought I would push the boat out and be a little mischievous and ask one of the instructor/managers of the gym called Norbi, who is a good friend but renowned for being strict to everyone about everything, if I could have a bottle of water for free. He rolled his eyes and I took that as a rejection… this story continues and gets a lot more interesting, so just bare with it.

After I had finished training with a different instructor to the aforementioned stricter Norbi, I offered my two training partners a lift home, even though they both live in completely opposite directions to where I was heading and I had never done so before. The thing I found odd about this is that I did not have rejection therapy on my mind when I asked this. I was just being more forward and open than I have been previously. It was only until I was driving home that I realised I had got my rejection. Rejected

Now the bottle of water story continues, hope you’re still paying attention. While walking back to my car I realised I was a bit dehydrated, so I went back into the gym and asked Dave, one of the guys who works behind the desk, how much bottle of waters were. He didn’t know so he called out to Norbi.  A “£1” shouted back in return  without Norbi looking up. Just as I was handing over the pound there was a further shout, “Don’t worry about it.” We both looked over to Norbi and he carried on “Don’t worry about it, this ones on me.” Myself and Dave stood there confused and I slowly put the bottle into my bag. Failed Rejection

What I take from today is the importance of kindness. There is just nothing quite like it. Whether it is Norbi giving me the water bottle or the thanks I got for simply offering a lift home to my training friends, kindness just feels good whether you are giving or receiving. Rejection Therapy can seem quite selfish, asking for things you want and depending on other people’s kindness, but I have found that the more I have asked for from people the more I have felt good in giving back.

These thoughts are definitely connected to my reading of magician and illusionist Derren Brown’s latest book, ‘Confessions of a Conjurer ” where he spends pretty much a whole chapter on the importance of kindness. It really cannot be understated and it is infectious. By pure coincidence, after the training session today a few of us sat round and chatted about road rage, but we all shared the idea that when someone is kind to you on the road you are more helpful to others; letting people in at junctions etc. I think if you have this in your mind in Rejection Therapy, rather than seeing it in a businesslike/sales manner of simply personal gain, it can set you on a path to feeling happy, and you can’t say better than that.

Slight addition, I have also started offering my portrait photos to everyone who allows me to take their photo. On the slip I give them it has my email address and hopefully they can get some pleasure out my photography too.

Street Portrait Project #3

Brendan was walking along with a young lady, Katie his daughter, and when I stopped them they both seemed highly amused at the thought of someone taking their photo. It turns out Brendan is a photographer and Katie had studied photography…rather intimidating since I am a self taught amateur. Still, after some gentle jibbing at the kit I used and joking about my knowledge, they could not have been more friendly and spent a minutes discussing this practice and the importance of meeting people.

Thanks again Brendan and hope your critical eye isn’t too harsh on this photo, I’m doing this all to learn!

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

My Flickr

rejection therapy day 11 -december 9th

“You’re going to go out and start a fight with a total stranger…You’re gonna start a fight…and you’re gonna lose.” 

Tyler Durden, Fight Club 

I may not have been looking for a fight today, but the sentiment was the same. I was looking to lose. I thought my Street Portrait Project was a way of getting instant rejections, but unfortunately for me it seems people are just too damn friendly. I worked up the courage and once I got my first portrait from my first rejection attempt I was on a roll. I had taken about half a dozen portraits before I realised no one had rejected me. I am thankful that I have a backlog of good portraits, but a little annoyed that no one had told me to sod off. Failed Rejection

I wanted, as we all do sometimes, some fudge. Luckily at the Christmas Market there was a stand selling just that confectionary in a pick’n’mix style, so I had a gander of what fudges were on offer. I was tempted by a type of ‘champagne’ fudge, but didn’t want to invest without knowing if it was any good. I saw a moment for rejection.

                “Can I try some of this fudge?”

                “We’ve run out of taster samples”

                “Can I pick some out and try it?”

                “No.”

                “How about that little bit?”

                “…No.”

Rejected

Yesterday I stated that I wanted two rejections, knowing that I would feel a bit sad face if I did not reach my target, I went on the hunt. I realised that I never just say hello to people on the street, as I like so many others had always been a bit suspect of people who did such things. Well today I was one of those people. I saw a lady walking towards and she made eye contact. I locked on and had her caught in my tractor beam. She carried on walking towards me and just as she was in vocal range I let out a “Hello”…too which she quickly looked away and shuffled off pretty sharpish. Huzzah. Rejected

An interesting added note to my Street Portrait saga this morning. I took photos of a couple, Jon and Abi, who I spotted walking along outside the library. Although hesitant of the strange hairy man, they were polite enough and let me take their photos. Fast forward several hours into the evening and I am at a gig at a pub in town, invited by a friend who works in an art gallery. This gig was to raise funds for a degree art show for City of Birmingham Fine Art students and as I look round the crowd I spot Abi and Jon. Just before I have to catch my late bus home, I saunter over to the two and in turn point at them while saying “Jon and Abi”. It takes a few seconds and then the penny drops, which in turn leads to smiles growing across their faces and quickly turns into laughing (and a little bit of screaming by Abi).

It turns out Abi was one of the degree students and in the brief chat they invited me to their final art show and introduced me to some of their friends. Ruddy nice fellows.

So below is Abi, #2 in the Street Portraits Project. Proof that it is pretty amazing what can happen when you put yourself out there.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation of Street Portrait Project see this post

rejection therapy day 10 -december 8th

No rejection today, but I feel the best since I have started the therapy. Allow me to rant…

I wanted to make up for yesterdays chickening out of yesterday’s street photography and not taking some street portraits, I thought I would try again today. Once again, I froze. I kept seeing people and thinking “they would be perfect” and then do nothing as they past. I walked up and down the main streets of Birmingham simply letting people pass and letting my hesitation get the better of me, but I ran into a friend that changed things.

A guy who I used to go to school with and saw sparingly around some of the areas I do freelance work spotted me and we chatted. He was curious as to what I was doing, at which point I informed him. This simple act of telling him gave me the incentive to push forward, as someone else knew and may ask in future meetings about how my street portraits were doing. At this point a switch flicked in my head, I asked to take his portrait, which he allowed Failed Rejection After which I asked what he gets up to these days and told me he was going to a gig on Friday, I asked if I could tag along, again he said yes! Yet Another Failed Rejection

After my friend left I felt the need to go up to someone and finally take that photo. I found a victim, an unsuspecting girl smoking a cigarette and most likely waiting for a friend. I walked up to her, she stared blankly at me and I realised I had to talk very quickly.

            “Can I take your portrait?”

            “Errr….yeah, ok”

            “I am photographing a few people around”

            “Right, let me hide my cigarette”

She palmed the smoking ciggerette and smiled. I took a few shots and, not wanting to make the awkward moment last any longer, gave a quick goodbye and quick stepped off. It was Failed Rejection but I got my photo and I knew tomorrow I had to go back for more.

One again I went to the cafe, sat in the same spot with my latte in front of me, but today I felt good. Minor as that achievement was, I was proud that I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone. I am not back to where I used to be in terms of confidence, but this has certainly helped me on my way.

I sat on the bus with a smile on my face and as I got out at my stop I passed a Starbucks that was locking up. I caught eye contact with the girl who was bolting up the glass door from the inside. I still had my big smile slapped across my face, so looking at her like an idiot, I added slight a wave in the mix. She seemed to chuckle slightly and give a light wave back, although her smile was clearly as much out of confusion than genuine happiness; but she smiled and that may have given her a nice end to a working day. After I waved I carried on and didn’t look back. I’ll let that moment stay there Failed Rejection

I didn’t get my rejection, but I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and felt a lot better than I have in a long time. So I had fun just playing the game which I think is more important than scoring points. Today is the first time I truly felt I was playing purely for fun.

…although I will admit I did want to score that goal and get the rejection; so my aim tomorrow is TWO REJECTIONS. Time to set targets and have some fun.

Below is the street portrait I took of the aforementioned young lady. The photo came out terribly I know, but I wanted to post it here as an incentive to myself to document these things. Reject on.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

For an explanation for Street Portrait Project see this post

rejection therapy day 9 - december 7th

“I think it is high time I lived up to my potential, don’t you?”

This is what I told myself (don’t worry, not out loud) while sitting in a coffee bar in Birmingham. I had just been wondering around looking to take street portraits of people. After convincing myself that “that person didn’t look right” or “they look in a hurry” I finally gave up when I thought “the light isn’t good enough anymore” and retreated with my tail between my legs to the comfort of a latte.

What a coward.

I know rejection therapy is supposed to make you feel good and it is just a game, but I can’t help feel bad when I don’t take opportunities. What is worse is that I know, maybe a year or so ago, I was a person who had no qualms doing an activity such as this, walking up to a complete stranger and not having my confidence knocked. So obviously I have changed, but I really don’t like it.

Before I could back up excuses of my lame attempts at objection therapy as just building up momentum or palm off some other excuse, but the reality is my self esteem and confidence is shot. A scrape on the bottom of what used to be a full brimming barrel. As the foam stained the edge of my coffee mug and job application drafts with half arsed notes scribbled across them, I sunk in my chair and sighed. I need to live up to my potential and I need to do it now.

I visited a friend who I have not seen in about five years and now works as a graphic designer. He is hopefully going to do some printing for me and, knowing he usually charges for advice, I asked him whether he could give me some tips anyway and go through some ways of making my work better, and do you know what? He did. Failed Rejection Further to that, we got discussing about what we each like to do now and he said that he goes rock climbing, something that I used to do in a past life. He said he goes every Monday, so I wondered if I could tag alone, which did not only he agree to, but explained he could get me in for free. Mega cool. Failed Rejection

It turned out I had made the oh so silly mistake of writing down the interview as the deadline for a job application instead of the actual closing date. The closing date turned out to be Sunday, but wanting the job and seeing it as a way to get rejected, I rang up the company and asked if I would be able to be considered if I send in my application right now. They said applicants had already been shortlisted. I asked if they could at least take a look? He said no. Hooray! Rejected

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

Rejection therapy day 8 -december 6th

I have been looking to becoming a Barista for a little while and, while it is a job I am sure I would enjoy doing, I have been a little hesitant to pursue the job. I have left a few days than I should in calling back the cafe and not been in hot pursuit of the opportunity. While there is lots about the job I think I would enjoy (the coffee, the people, the environment), what has kept me back is that food customer service and cash taking are areas that I have very little experience.

…but I want a challenge. This is the perfect chance to learn something new and even if I do not get the job it will be an experience. If I make a prat of myself, even better.

I rang the manager, who I had spoken to on several occasions but never solidified a date for a trial, and looking to get something booked. He informed me that due to setbacks in the new store they wouldn’t be taking on staff until January 5th, so maybe I should wait till then. I had my rejection, but I felt unsatisfied. I then proceeded to ask if I could do it an earlier. He sounded confused at first, but then seemed to be appreciative of my willingness and we agreed that I would do a shift next Monday from 12-2, the busy lunch shift on their busiest day. Bring it on. Failed Rejection

I had filled out an application for a job reviewing computer games for a new magazine. They had informed me, after I had completed the application and got through the first round that the job would be unpaid for the first three months. Not impressed at all. Today they rang me stating they were interested about myself and wanted to get to know me better, before that line of getting-to-know-you questioning began, I inquired about whether it was true that if I was successful I would be unpaid for the first three months, he concurred. I politely informed him that I cannot afford to work for free that long, he said that was a shame. I had nothing to lose, so I told him that I would be happy to still go for the job if he changed the rules I was paid from the beginning. He was not impressed and promptly cut the conversation short. WIN! Rejected

Tomorrow, I promise, the boat will be pushed out.

For an explanation of Rejection Therapy see this post

Rejection therapy day 7 - december 5th

Not a great day to be honest, for more some personal reasons, but I did not feel like putting myself out too much.

My one triumph was with a guy who I have trained in the martial art of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu with for a long time but never really spoken to or got to know. I was aware that he is a far superior photographer to myself, so when I saw he had his camera with him I thought I would break the unintentional vow of silence between us and ask about getting some tips on how to be better. Although this doesn’t seem like much, It is a bit out of my comfort zone, as I am a person who usually likes to do things for myself and be self taught…but that is not the point of rejection therapy and it is something I want to change in myself. So I asked him, he said yes, we got really well and I am going to give him some tips in film making. Score! Failed Rejection

My first week has been pretty gentle to be honest. I realise I really have to push it a bit more. I will give the excuse of a few personal problems have made me reluctant to engage, but I think I am using it as more of a defence than is really true. I want this project to do some good, but I will only get results is I invest myself more and take more risks.